It never gets any easier.

Watching my son go down the ramp to the TSA check this morning I realized...
It really doesn't get any easier, does it?!

Six years ago, when he was the ripe old age of 16, I sent him through International security on his way to Dublin... alone.
Ok, technically, he wasn't really flying solo.
His dance partner & her mom were on the same 10+ hour flight.
And a family full of friends was meeting him at Customs in Ireland.
But still... it was the first time I sent him off... without ME!

And I watched until I couldn't see him anymore.
I watched him sneak a glance over his shoulder; as he put his belongings into the bins; as he stepped through the scan; as he went of on a Grand Adventure.

The first of many.

I've lost count now of just how many times I have snuck in that extra hug; stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek; waited until he disappeared around that last corner; texted "Love you!" as I walked to the car.

He has grown into a fine young man.
He walks with confidence, not needing to sneak that last little glance.

But I still feel exactly the same way I did oh so many years ago.
And get all misty the entire ride home.
And hate walking into that house without him.
Even though I know it won't be all that long until he is back again; to fill the house with laughter & music & his brand of energy. There is always a little piece of me missing.

He has been gentle & patient with my learning to let go.
He has made me proud & taught me well.
And paved the way for his sister.
Because all too soon, she will be following in his footsteps.
Maybe not the same path, but the same process.

At least I know the ropes now.
Even though it won't get any easier... I'm ok with that.

In the wee small hours of the morning...

I missed this.
Getting up, the house still quiet, the pale hues of dawn just starting to peak in the distance over the lake, the day not quite needing to be started yet...

Of course, I've already been up for a couple hours, half a pot of coffee is gone, & somebody has already been provided a warm breakfast, lunch packed & scooted out the door, cats are fed, dishes done...

But the day is really just beginning; the morning star still hangs in the sky; I can sit here & start over.

It's probably my favorite time of day.
I can be still.
And think.
Or not.
And watch the world come to life.
And wonder what that world holds today.

It's my creative time.
My clearest focus.
I'm the most energized; it's the best time for me to work out.
Or not.

Too often, the day gets cluttered, blustery & busy & somehow, when I finally sit down at 9pm with a nice glass of red only to remember I never lit the mandatory evening candle, I wonder what happened.
Where did the day go?
What did I actually accomplish?

In the wee small hours, the day is still.
There is no rush.
No scurrying.
No worries.
Just... stillness.
And potential.

And I like that :)

Truth in Advertising

Caveat emptor.
Or maybe more accurately, "Careful what you wish for."

The little jar of advanced formula eye cream promised me the world.
Ok, it promised me less noticeable fine lines & wrinkles under my eyes.
And, being a woman of a certain age (I'll address THAT little phrase another time) & more than a wee bit prone to both fine lines and vanity, figured, "Oooh, now that would be lovely!"

Well... I started the New Year with a whole new look.
Yes, the fine lines & wrinkles were much less apparent.
The whole problem with that was the reason they were less noticeable.
Unfortunately, it was, um, not exactly the look I was going for.

Think Darth Vader's eyes when Luke removes his mask during the death scene in Return of the Jedi.
(Hey, even geeks worry about their appearances.)
Think four movie chick-flick crying jag.
Think, I don't know, "What did the other guy look like?!"

Not only was the area under my eyes bright red, puffy & unbelievably irritated, it hurt like the Dickens!
On the up side, you hardly noticed those fine lines & wrinkles!

The fault, I'm thinking, was not so much with the cream, as I had used it before. More probably, it was the combination of things I had slathered on the night before in hopes of greeting the New Year with a fresh, young look.
You know, if one cream can promise results, think what might happen if you add in a little serum promised to give you a fresher, younger appearance! And maybe a few rolls of that anti-puffer stuff.
Apparently, I had started quite the little chemical reaction; a little "Dr. Jekyl" potion of my own creation with its own vile results.

Luckily, I also own lotions with the gentle words "hypo-allergenic" & "fragrance-free" on the labels.
A day of cold water compresses & tender application of soothing ointments calmed my Darth Vader look & made me fit to greet the world again, best face forward.

Well, best face with some noticeable fine lines & wrinkles.

And the sad thing is that, given the quick recovery, you know it won't be long until I try something else equally misguided again.

Letting go...

And thus, begins the New Year.
It is already different from the year I just put to rest.
It... is white.

Yep, snow.
Waking to a brand new year & the first words out of my mouth were, "What the heck?"

That can't be a good thing.

Not so much that there is snow, I suppose it is to be expected.
In Wisconsin.
In winter.
I just didn't know it was coming.

I'm just sort of wondering how getting caught off guard first thing bodes for the New year.
Seriously.
Does this mean that 2012 is going to be a year filled with surprises?
A year that holds things I didn't expect?
Or didn't see coming?

Or is this a sign that I need to pay more attention?
Keep on my toes?
Be better prepared?

Of course, it just may mean that I should tune in to the news more often or check the weather app on my phone.

I suppose I should be sitting here in the quiet of the morning, with the candlelight... my coffee... the stillness... and be looking forward to the year ahead.

Instead, my first thoughts are of my kids who, due to choices to keep them off the roads in the wee hours of the New Year's morning, will now be driving in the first snow of the season.
Not with the drivers who made poor choices to celebrate a bit too much & get behind the wheel while impaired, but drivers who forget that significant physics is involved when you combine snow + pavement + a car/truck/SUV.

And that may be my lesson for the New Year.
That no matter how much I try & protect my kids, to watch over them, to help them make choices that will protect them & keep them safe, there will always be unforeseen circumstances when I need to let go, trust them, & believe that all I have attempted to teach them will kick in to guide their way.

I believe it is referred to as "letting go".

And that, my friends, will most likely be the theme of the New Year for me.
In a good way.

Happy New Year everyone :)